Monday, December 1, 2008

Spice

FRIDAY

Kausap ko si GP sa phone while I was grabbing dinner. I was still in the office working overtime.

“I miss you, baby,” ang bungad niya. “How are you?”

“Very busy. I miss you too, baby,” ang sagot ko. “Ikaw, kumusta?”

“Kadarating ko lang. Dinner ka na?”

“Ngayon lang. Ikaw?”

“Kumain na ako sa labas. Pahinga lang muna.”

“How’s school?” ang tanong ko.

“Kakapagod pero ok naman. Are we meeting tomorrow?”

“Yup. Miss na miss na kita. I need to see you.”

“Ako rin.”

Pause.

“Baby? Magpapaalam sana ako. Pwede ba akong lumabas tonight?” ang sabi niya pagkaraan.

“San ka punta?” ang tanong ko.

“Greenbelt lang. A friend is inviting me out.”

“Ah, ok. Who’s this friend?”

“A new friend. Makulit lang eh. Nagpapasama.”

“What time kayo magkikita?”

“Mga ten o’clock.”

“Bakit medyo late na?”

“Manggagaling kasi siya sa work.”

“Inuman ba?”

“No. Coffee lang. Uwi ako nang maaga.”

“Ok. Just take care. Text me when you get home.”

“Thanks, baby.”

Nang maibaba ko ang phone, may kakaiba akong naramdaman. Magkakahalong feeling na hindi ko maipaliwanag. It was uncomfortable…na parang may mali.

I texted him: “Selos ako, baby. You are going out on a date tonight.”

“It is not a date.”

I decided not to pursue or validate my insecurity. I texted back: “Joke lang hehe! Have a great time. Take care. Just text me later ok?”

I waited but he did not text.

***

SATURDAY

Around 5pm, I texted him: “Meet tayo tonight sa Malate?”

No reply.

I texted him again: “Anong oras tayo magkikita mamaya?”

No reply.

Ako uli: “Sleep muna ako. Wait ko reply mo.”

Paggising ko, I checked my celfone for messages.

Got a number of messages from friends. Wala pa rin siyang reply.

I texted again: “Sana reply ka…”

Wala pa rin.

Nakaligo na ako at nakapagbihis, naghihintay pa rin ako sa reply niya.

Naiinis na ako.

“Imbyerna ako. Di nagre-reply ang jowa,” ang text ko sa friend ko. “Dapat kasama ko siya.”

“Just get your ass out here. Forget about him. Enjoy the time with your friends,” ang sagot.

Umalis na ako ng bahay.

Habang nasa daan ako papuntang Malate, tinext ko uli siya. “Bakit hindi ka nagre-reply? May ibig bang sabihin ito?”

Wala pa ring sagot.

I arrived at Silya and my friends were already there. Siya kaagad ang hinanap ng mga ito when I joined them.

“Asan si GP?” ang tanong nila. “Akala ko kasama mo siya.”

“I don’t know,” ang honest na sagot ko. “Di siya nagre-reply sa text ko.”

“May problema ba?”

“Hindi ko alam.”

Kahit deep inside naiinis ako kay GP, I tried my best to get into the groove with my friends. We had bottles of beer. Kwentuhan. Tuksuhan. Tawanan. Harutan.

I kept on checking my celfone for any message from him. Nada. I was hoping na bigla na lang siyang darating para i-surprise ako.

Kahit lasing na ako, nararamdaman ko na narooroon ang tampo sa dibdib ko. Kahit tumatawa ako, naroroon pa rin ang lungkot dahil wala si GP sa tabi ko.

We went to Bed at around 1:00 am.

Natapos ang gabi na wala akong natanggap na kahit isang text mula sa kanya.

***

SUNDAY

Nagising ako around 1:00 pm.

I had 3 messages from him.

9:02am: “Sorry po kung di ako nakapunta ng Malate kagabi. 6pm nasa bahay na ako ng friend ko. Uminom kami sa Timog. Sabay sana kami punta ng Malate kaya lang dumating yung iba pa naming friends. Naparami yung inuman. Di na kami nakaalis.”

9:04am: “Di po ako nakapag-reply kasi na-lowbat celfone ko. Nakapag-recharge ako 3am na pagdating ko sa bahay. Nakatulog ako kaagad kasi po lasing ako.”

9:06am: “Sorry po talaga. I feel guilty sa nagawa ko sa’yo. Tanggap ko po kung ano man ang consequence. Sorry sorry sorry from the bottom of my heart.”

Ako naman ang hindi nag-reply.

***

MONDAY

“Sorry na po. It was not my intention to hurt you. Please forgive me.” Ito ang text na nabasa ko paggising ko.

Nagmamatigas pa rin ako pero nalulungkot ako.

Humingi ako ng advice sa bestfriend ko.

“Wag ka lang manahimik,” ang sabi niya. “Ipaalam mo sa kanya kung bakit masama ang loob mo.”

I texted GP: “I am hurt because it was our 1st monthsary and I wanted us to celebrate last Saturday but you ignored me and you completely forgot about us.”

His reply: “I am sorry. Mas malaki pala ang kasalanan ko sa’yo. Nawala sa isip ko na monthsary natin last Saturday. Sorry, hindi ko sinasadya…”

Text ko pa: “It was also strange that you went out Friday night and you disregarded me Saturday night…”

Matagal bago siya sumagot: “Let us not count the days when we were not together but instead let us look forward to the days that we will be together. It was my fault and I am asking for your forgiveness. I love you and I do not want to lose you. Sana walang mabago sa ating dalawa…”

Bumigay na ako: “I love you and I miss you and I think so much about you but I feel taken for granted and I am afraid that you are seeing somebody else…”

“I was only with my friends. There’s nobody else. Our relationship is important to me and I am committed to you. I just forgot and I blame myself for it.”

Tuluyan na akong lumambot: “Ok, sige po. Mag-lunch ka na.”

“Forgiven na ba ako?”

“Kalimutan na natin ang nangyari.”

“I love you, baby.”

“Happy 1st monthsary.”

“Happy 1st.”

11 comments:

MkSurf8 said...

buti naman nagkaayos din kayo.

but be cautious just the same.

take care ;-)

Luis Batchoy said...

to love with out counting the cost, and to trust like you were never hurt before...

for a shot at happiness, everything is worth it!

PBB said...

yeah i am glad too that you too are good uli.

i just hope that you will not decide on anything, relationship-wise, na galit or emo ka.

sometimes the emotion tends to be the enemy in a relationship.

Pao Pielago said...

bumped in to your blog, which i find really nice. ganda ng mga kwento. :)

advise lang friend, mksurf8 is right. be cautious of red flags, such as what just happened. one cannot be so sure and consequently, be complacent. aside from that, enjoy your company with him. :)

joaqui_miguel said...

Cheers to the first month. More to come! :)

Jinjiruks said...

and again naging emo na naman ako pagkabasa ng entry mo ngayon aris. kinikilig na naman ako. pero habaan mo sana ang pasensya at wag ka maging paranoid pag hindi siya nagtetext ng ilang days. minsan kasi dyan nasisira ang relation, have more trust and faith to GP ^^; mukhang ok naman siya and true to his words.

JoShMaRie said...

aris!

hay naku...ano ba yan. haha. nakakarelate ako. nagcecelbertae din ako ng ganito this very day. hehe.

and im about to post something about it. ;)

Aris said...

@mksurf8: opo, i will be cautious. you take care too. :)

@luis batchoy: i agree. thanks for the inspiring words. nice to know na in love ka rin. :)

@pbb: hello! nice to hear from you. mahirap talagang mag-desisyon kapag emotional. i am trying my best na iwasan ito. salamat sa pagbabasa at sa comment. sana po, pasyal ka lagi dito. :)

@pao pielago: hello pao. salamat sa pagbabasa. binabasa ko rin ang memoirs mo.

agree ako sa inyo ni mksurf8. i will be cautious para naman hindi masyadong masaktan kung sakali man. at this point i can just hope for the best.

thanks again and take care. :)

@joaqui: thanks, friend. sana nga magtagal. wala na sanang mga ganitong drama. :)

@jinjiruks: i am trying my best na maging patient at huwag maging mapagduda. ayoko rin kasi ng drama. nakaka-drain.

sana kahit nee-emo ka sa mga posts ko, nai-inspire ka pa rin. :)

@joshmarie: happy monthsary din sa inyo, sistah! masarap ma-inlove, di ba? kaya lang minsan nakakaloka hehe! pero sabi nga ni luis batchoy: "for a shot at happiness, everything is worth it!"

wait ko ang post mo. cheers! :)

Luis Batchoy said...

aris: inlab ba ako? I dont think so. Its an over extended longing. Not really love. Love is a two way street and mine is just one. Unrequited shall we say?

ewan said...

Mabuti naman nagka-ayos din.

Be careful lang and be mindful of such occurences kc baka umabuso. I am not saying he is one of those pero be mindful lang. Leave something to yourself so that you will not end up broken of the worst happens.

I may sound cynical and bitter but it is always good to have our emotions checked from time to time.

GP also deserves the benefit of the doubt. Of course, making it work should be a priority and since he has apologized and has taken fault of it, then forgiveness should be given.

I hope everything worjs out for the best.

All the happiness for the both of you.

Aris said...

@ewan: i am listening and i am very thankful for your concern and good wishes. take care always, my friend. :)