Friday, October 17, 2008

Emote

Mula nang mag-disappear ka, hindi ka na uli nagparamdam.

Hindi ka na uli nag-text.

Nabalitaan ko na lang mula sa common friend natin: Nagkabalikan na kayo ng ex mo.

Noong iniwan ko kayo sa Sonata para mag-usap, you kissed and made up.

And then you made out.

Sumama ka na pala sa kanya habang ako ay parang tangang naghihintay sa’yo sa Bed.

Sa harap ng isang bakanteng mesa, pilit kong nilunod sa Strong Ice ang magkakahalong damdamin: sakit, galit at lungkot.

It felt like a roller coaster mishap. After the thrill and excitement, I fell hard and I was broken.

***

Last night after finally telling our story, hindi ako kaagad nakatulog.

Nanariwa ang alaalang pilit kong sinu-suppress nitong mga nagdaang araw.

Naiisip pa rin kita. Ayokong aminin sa sarili ko na in-love ako sa’yo. No. No. No.

You just caught me off-guard kaya ako nagkakaganito.

I was at my most vulnerable nang pinukol mo ako ng atensyon kaya sapul na sapul ako.

I will be fine, I know.

***

By nature, masokista yata talaga ang tao.

Nasasaktan na nga ako sa alaala mo, pinatugtog ko pa ang “Somewhere Down The Road” ni Barry Manilow.

Pinakinggan ko nang paulit-ulit na parang gusto ko na higit pang masaktan.

Bawat linya ng kanta, bawat sinasabi ay parang patungkol sa akin at sa ating dalawa. Tumitimo sa puso.

“Hindi ba ganoon talaga ang music? Pag in-love na in-love ka, o kaya naman heartbroken, almost all the songs na marinig mo, kahit saan, ay may meaning at parang kinakausap ka?” -- Joel McVie

Para akong maiiyak. Pero pinigil ko.

I pressed STOP.

Husto na ang emote.

Ayoko na.

20 comments:

Chuck Suarez said...

*hugs*
i hope you're OK na =\

Aris said...

@chuck: thanks. that feels good. :)

joaqui_miguel said...

hug din kita! *hugs*

hehehehe

Gumaya lang. :) lol

I remain, tama na ang emote and let's just freaking dance! lol

MkSurf8 said...

i've been a lurker for quite some time, following your blogs since you were endorsed by mcvie....
cliche but things happen for a reason. what you experiened with him at this early may be a harbinger of things to come. albeit harsh, such might have shielded you from deeper anguish. better nipped in the bud, as they say...
cheer up buddy and just keep on dancing :-)

Aris said...

@joaqui: i love being hugged hehe! i feel better now. tara, sayaw na tayo haha! :)

@mksurf8: thank you for posting a comment. i am so happy to hear from you. salamat naman at binabasa mo ang blog ko at sana nag-e-enjoy ka. keep on reading and i will keep on dancing hehe! :)

canmaker said...

buti na rin at maaga mo naranasan ang sakit....at least hindi pa masyadong malaki ang emotional investment mo sa kaniya....

darating din ang para sa iyo, huwag ka mag-alala....

tangapin mo na lang muna na hindi nga lang siya iyon....

Aris said...

@canmaker: oo nga. kaya move on na ako. thanks again for dropping by. :)

RONeiluke, RN said...

pansin ko din yun... love songs are much more significant kapag sobrang in love at kapag heartbroken...hmmm...

hope you settle the issues with this guy... :)

thanks sa congrats :)

Kane said...

Hello Aris. Kamusta? Reading your blogs the past few weeks, i have shared in your joy and excitement. I am sorry to hear what happened.

We mourn and we grieve. One day, you will be fine. Maybe not today, but one day.

I think we all know how it feels like to be in love. That moment of discovery of how amazing that person is.

Maybe you mourn more for what might have been. All the dreams and fantasies unfulfilled.

You will cast aside
something you cherish
when the tailors whisper,
"Only you could wear this."

Aris said...

@roneiluke: i have settled the issue with myself and i am doing great! thanks! :)

@kane: hello, kane! i am so happy to hear from you. salamat sa pagbabasa mo at salamat din sa inspirational comment.

ok na ako, tapos na ang konting drama at happy na uli ako hehe!

keep on reading and i hope to hear from you again. tc. :)

Tristan Tan said...

life goes on aris. ;)

Mugen said...

Ang lahat ng bagay ay may rason at makita mo sanang dahilan ang mga bagay na sinulat ko sa entry na "Seismic Aftershock."

You will move on, eventually. Lagi mong isipin na may karapatan kang masaktan. Whatever happens, just remember.

When someone leaves you whether you like it or not, you are free to chart your new destiny.

Yun lang po. Salamat pala sa pagdaan nung isang beses sa blog ko.

joelmcvie said...

"I pressed STOP. Husto na ang emote."

Yun na. =)

Aris said...

@tristan: move on na ako! uy, punta rin ako ng bora kaya lang feb pa. :)

@mugen: thanks for dropping by. salamat din po sa words of wisdom. it is an honor na binasa mo ang blog ko at nag-iwan ka ng comment. lagi kitang binabasa. tc always. :)

@mcvie: ang sarap kayang maging single. o di ba, may cameo role ka pa sa post ko hehe! :)

Luis Batchoy said...

gaya ng lagi kong sinasabi at paulit ulit na litanya na ata, sa mga kaibigan at pati sa sarili.. this, too, shall pass... hang in there

Aris said...

@luis batchoy: i agree. maraming salamat sa pagbabasa at sa comment. sana lagi kang bumisita. :)

Benzgasm said...

correct! stop the drama. move on, next guy please hehehe

Luis Batchoy said...

ur very much welcome po... link na kita... mas masaya kung xlinks mo na din ako... isang tyt na hug para sa sorrow mo...

Aris said...

@benzgasm: i am moving on. next please hehe! :)

@luis batchoy: it is an honor. i will be working on my links asap, di kasi ako masyadong techie. anyway, i have already added you to the blogs i am following. sarap naman ng tight hug. more please. lol! :)

Luis Batchoy said...

more hugs....huuugggzzz